


So What Do You Do For A Living?

by LonelyThursday



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Drunk Race, Fluff, John Mulaney References, M/M, Modern Era, Soulmates, bartender albert
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:50:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21700309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonelyThursday/pseuds/LonelyThursday
Summary: Race is drunkenly trying to flirt with the bartender. Sure his pickup lines could use some work, but it might not turn out that badly.Same universe as I SAID YOU'RE A THOT, but is a stand-alone
Relationships: Albert DaSilva/Racetrack Higgins
Comments: 6
Kudos: 50





	So What Do You Do For A Living?

Judging by how badly the world was spinning around him, Race might have had too much to drink. He fully blames Jojo. Jojo had agreed to go to the bar with Race to keep him from drinking too much (Race doesn’t usually notice how much he’s been drinking until he’s way too drunk), but when Jojo had been ordering their second round of drinks, he’d met his soulmate and had effectively abandoned Race for the rest of the night. 

Which of course lead to this moment: Race stumbling over to the bar in order to get… something, he’s not really sure what anymore, but he thinks he’ll remember when he gets there. 

Once he’s finally reached the bar, he takes a moment to gather himself. When he’s finally remembered what he’d wanted (he wanted water), he looks up to find the bartender headed his way. Maybe it’s the alcohol talking, but the bartender is _hot._

_‘Think, Race, think. He’s probably got drunks hitting on him all the time. You need the_ best _pickup line ever. Think!’_

When the bartender stops in front of him, Race, unable to think of a good pickup line, blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind. 

“So what do you do for a living?” Well that wasn’t quite what he had been going for. 

“Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.” The bartender deadpans. 

For some reason, Race finds this very funny. So funny, in fact, that he doubles over from laughing so hard. Race falls to the floor, laughing and gasping the whole time. 

“Um… are you alright?” The bartender leans over the bar to look at him on the ground. Which only makes Race laugh harder. “Do you have a ride home?”

“Say that- *gasp* -say- *wheeze* -again,” Race managed to wheeze out.

“Um, say what again?” The bartender asks, confused. 

“The firs- *wheeze* -first thing.”

“Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs?”

_“Yes!”_ Race gasp, giggle fit renewed. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s just…”

“Uh, yeah…” the bartender says when Race doesn’t finish his sentence. “John Mulaney’s real funny guy.”

“It’s not that!” Race wheezes again, climbing to his feet and pulling his shirt up. 

“Dude, you have to keep your shirt on in here!” The bartender says, alarmed. 

_“Noooooo,”_ Race insists. _“Look!”_

Reluctantly, the bartender looks at Race’s uncovered stomach. Two inches above Race’s bellybutton are the words _‘Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs.’_ in black block letters. 

“Oh,” The bartender says in surprise. Pulling the watch off his wrist, he sees his own _words_ written in sloppy, black cursive. _‘So what do you do for a living?’ “Oh.”_

_“Yeah!”_ Race continues to giggle, but he manages to stay upright. 

“So… do you have a ride home?” The bartender asks again after a moment. 

“Really?” Race asks incredulously. “We’re soulmates, and all you’re worried about is whether or not I have a ride home?”

“Fine,” The bartender sighs, but he’s smiling. “I’m Albert, and you are?”

“Albert.” Race repeats, tasting the word in his mouth. “Alllllllbert. Albert. Al-bert. Bert? Berty? Albie? Albie! Hi, Albie! I’m Race!”

“Race?” He asks questioningly, Race just nods. “You here alone, Race?”

“Yeah.” Race sighs dramatically falling forward a little so that he’s bent over the bar with his head resting on Albert’s shoulder. “Jojo found his soulmate and _left_ me.”

“Alright. Can you do something for me, Race?” Race picks his head up and nods. “Okay, I’m going to walk away for a moment, but I’ll be back real quick, okay?”

“Okay!” Race agrees happily, bouncing on his toes lightly. 

Albert nods and walks away. He walks towards the little door separating the employees only section from the rest of the bar. When he reaches Race again, this time on the same side of the bar, Race is staring at the ground and pouting. 

“Hey,” Albert says gently, placing a hand on Race’s shoulder. The reaction is immediate. Race suddenly spins around, grinning and throws his arms around Albert’s neck. 

“Albie!” Race yells loudly, attracting the attention of some of the other patrons. “You came back!”

“Uh, yeah. I said I would,” Albert stumbles a little under the sudden weight. “C’mon, let’s get you some food.”

“Albie!” Race gasps as Albert leads him towards a door next to the bar. “You have legs!”

“Do I?” Albert chuckles, leading Race through the ‘employees only’ door and towards the break room. 

“Yeah!” Albert lowers Race onto the break room couch. 

“I’m going to get you some food, alright?” Albert asks, inching towards the door. “I’ll just be gone for a sec, I promise I’m coming back, alright?”

Race nods, and Albert’s out the door again. 

Albert comes back a few minutes later with a plate of scrambled eggs and a glass of water. This time, Race isn’t crying, but rather looking around the room as if he’s unsure where he is. “Hey Race, I didn’t know what you ate so I hope scrambled eggs are okay.”

“Eggies!” Race yells, snatching the plate and shoveling eggs onto his mouth as fast as he can. 

“I have to go back to work now, will you be alright in here for another hour?” Race nods. “Great, make sure you drink the water, and if you want more food there should be some granola bars in that cabinet there.”

Race nods, and goes back to stuffing his mouth with eggs at an almost alarming speed.

With one last worried glance at Race, Albert heads back to the bar. 

An hour later, after closing up the bar, Albert returns to the break room to find Race asleep, curled up on the couch. The plate of eggs and the glass of water are both empty. Albert smiles to himself as he gathers the dirty dishes and takes them back to the kitchen, then he returns to the break room to wake Race and take him home. 

“Hey, Race,” Albert shakes the sleeping man’s shoulder. “C’mon Race wake up.”

“Waz…?” Race mumbles sleepily. 

“Wake up. I gotta getcha home.”

“Fuck yeah,” Race mumbles again, sitting up. “I wanna go to your place.”

“Not _my_ home,” Albert explains, rolling his eyes affectionately and leading Race to the door with an arm around his waist. “I’m taking you to _your_ home.”

“Nooooo!” Race whines, dropping all his weight onto Albert. “Wanna go with _yooooooooooou.”_

“Ah! Fine,” Albert sighs, stumbling slightly before pulling Race outside and locking the door after them. “But don’t blame me when you have to pee in the morning and can’t find the bathroom.”

“I’ll find that fucking bathroom,” Race says seriously. 

“Right.” Albert unlocks his car and opens the passenger door for Race. “I’m sure you will.”

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally longer but I didn't feel like finishing where I took it, but I still have the rest so I might add a second chapter at some point, but I'm still gonna label it as COMPLETE


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